Unfortunately with Matt being disabled we can not afford off me to stay home. So until God tells me that this is the direction that we need to go I will continue working.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Stay at home wife and mom.
I have been on vacation this past week and as my vacation comes to a close I have come to a realization. I think if I had the opportunity to become a stay at home mom and wife I would take it. I think I would be able to handle it. I could volunteer places, do crafts when I felt like it, have finer ready most days when Matt got home.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Daughter
So our son got a message today from our daughter. and apparently she thinks that we keep choosing her estranged husband over her. She has basically disowned her brother, father and I. She only talks to her Mother and that side of the family. We aren't choosing either one of them.
Not many people know what is going on with the Daughter. After Easter 2013 she left her husband. She told us that he was abusive (verbally). We do not know anything about this because we allowed her to live her life with her husband. We did not interfere. We only hung out with them like 3 times the entire 2 years or so that they were married.
She was extremely controlling and awful to her brother when they were little. He is 5 and a half years younger than her. She somehow got it in her brain that she was supposed to take care of him and it was not her job. That growing up experience has made a horrible awful feeling of animosity from the son towards her. I was not around for that time frame so I can not speak to one way or another. Either way lots of healing needs to be done and that can only be done with God.
When she left her husband she told us that she left him because of the abuse (her words). We later found out that she left him for another man. She left her husbands home and instantly went to the other males home. This other man has been nothing but disrespectful to us three. She does not get when we tell her that we don't agree with the lifestyle she has chosen. I wonder if we would feel the same way if she was single and guy jumped the way she has. What if she had decided to be gay. I guess we will never know the issue we had with the relationship is the fact that she is still, yes still, married. I think her estranged husband has written up a divorce "settlement" (not sure if that is the right word) and I guess she may want to sign it but not sure. The only thing that is keeping her from signing it is her and her boyfriend.
I am just at a loss. This makes me feel like an absolute failure as a mom, even though I am only a step mom to her. I feel like I have not had any impact on her life and since her father and I have taken this stand and I have not spoken to her in a year. Her dad got a message at Christmas I did not.
I do have a hope of redemption of sorts with the son. He seems to be on the right track with the decisions that he is constantly making.
So today she "attacked" my son and the organization that he is involved in and she attacked the Masons. I know that my son is not a mason but my father is and my grandfather was. That post was what prompted my son to respond to her. She manipulated him to get him to talk to her. That is exactly how she does things. If others opinions or convictions do not coincide with hers she will manipulate in order to get the reaction she wants or any reaction at all.
I know that her father and I's reaction to the life she chooses to live is the same thing but we have told her repeatedly that we would be more than willing to spend time with her alone. We were not ready to spend time with her and the boyfriend especially since she is still married. She can not understand why. She said she would not come see us unless we saw her new boyfriend too. so she pushed her self away. She told us that she would not be alone with us so we could force our opinions on her and make her think the way that we do. What she does not understand is that we have not had that type of control over her like that since she was 14. We did however at that time have the law on our hands and told her that she had to abide by our rules. Once she turned 18 she could do what she wanted and have to answer for herself.
Just rambling now.
anyway be praying for our family. Daughter , son, mom and dad. (even though she does not even see me as a mom or a step mom anymore).
Not many people know what is going on with the Daughter. After Easter 2013 she left her husband. She told us that he was abusive (verbally). We do not know anything about this because we allowed her to live her life with her husband. We did not interfere. We only hung out with them like 3 times the entire 2 years or so that they were married.
She was extremely controlling and awful to her brother when they were little. He is 5 and a half years younger than her. She somehow got it in her brain that she was supposed to take care of him and it was not her job. That growing up experience has made a horrible awful feeling of animosity from the son towards her. I was not around for that time frame so I can not speak to one way or another. Either way lots of healing needs to be done and that can only be done with God.
When she left her husband she told us that she left him because of the abuse (her words). We later found out that she left him for another man. She left her husbands home and instantly went to the other males home. This other man has been nothing but disrespectful to us three. She does not get when we tell her that we don't agree with the lifestyle she has chosen. I wonder if we would feel the same way if she was single and guy jumped the way she has. What if she had decided to be gay. I guess we will never know the issue we had with the relationship is the fact that she is still, yes still, married. I think her estranged husband has written up a divorce "settlement" (not sure if that is the right word) and I guess she may want to sign it but not sure. The only thing that is keeping her from signing it is her and her boyfriend.
I am just at a loss. This makes me feel like an absolute failure as a mom, even though I am only a step mom to her. I feel like I have not had any impact on her life and since her father and I have taken this stand and I have not spoken to her in a year. Her dad got a message at Christmas I did not.
I do have a hope of redemption of sorts with the son. He seems to be on the right track with the decisions that he is constantly making.
So today she "attacked" my son and the organization that he is involved in and she attacked the Masons. I know that my son is not a mason but my father is and my grandfather was. That post was what prompted my son to respond to her. She manipulated him to get him to talk to her. That is exactly how she does things. If others opinions or convictions do not coincide with hers she will manipulate in order to get the reaction she wants or any reaction at all.
I know that her father and I's reaction to the life she chooses to live is the same thing but we have told her repeatedly that we would be more than willing to spend time with her alone. We were not ready to spend time with her and the boyfriend especially since she is still married. She can not understand why. She said she would not come see us unless we saw her new boyfriend too. so she pushed her self away. She told us that she would not be alone with us so we could force our opinions on her and make her think the way that we do. What she does not understand is that we have not had that type of control over her like that since she was 14. We did however at that time have the law on our hands and told her that she had to abide by our rules. Once she turned 18 she could do what she wanted and have to answer for herself.
Just rambling now.
anyway be praying for our family. Daughter , son, mom and dad. (even though she does not even see me as a mom or a step mom anymore).
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
12 years a slave
So I finished listening to 12 Years a Slave today.
First off the early 1800's really tick me off. I hate the fact that we went through a time of slavery. I hate the white people thought that other people (no matter what their color) were ok to be bought and sold and treated as harshly as the slaves were treated.
I have not seen the movie and I probably will never see the movie.
The book made me so angry I don't think I could see it
So a few thoughts about the book.
The man who wrote it was born and raised a free man in New York. When he was kidnapped (a word he used) he had a wife and three kids. His wife was also born and raised free.
The two men that kidnapped him and sold him into slavery were never prosecuted. Selling a freeman/freewoman into slavery was punishable by jail time (long jail time).
The racial issues that stemmed from slavery are stupid. If all of the people that claim to be Christians really went by the teachings of Jesus there would be no racism, there would have been no slavery. There would be no foster care system, the widows and orphans would be taken care of.
There are some books that just get under my skin, and this was one of them. I am glad that this gentleman was able to be freed once again.
You know something else that bothers me. There were some slave owners that would tell people that black people are just animals but then they would take advantage of their position as their "master" and owner to have sex with their slave women/girls. If they truly saw them as animals wouldn't the thought of having sex with them thoroughly disgusted them?
GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR
First off the early 1800's really tick me off. I hate the fact that we went through a time of slavery. I hate the white people thought that other people (no matter what their color) were ok to be bought and sold and treated as harshly as the slaves were treated.
I have not seen the movie and I probably will never see the movie.
The book made me so angry I don't think I could see it
So a few thoughts about the book.
The man who wrote it was born and raised a free man in New York. When he was kidnapped (a word he used) he had a wife and three kids. His wife was also born and raised free.
The two men that kidnapped him and sold him into slavery were never prosecuted. Selling a freeman/freewoman into slavery was punishable by jail time (long jail time).
The racial issues that stemmed from slavery are stupid. If all of the people that claim to be Christians really went by the teachings of Jesus there would be no racism, there would have been no slavery. There would be no foster care system, the widows and orphans would be taken care of.
There are some books that just get under my skin, and this was one of them. I am glad that this gentleman was able to be freed once again.
You know something else that bothers me. There were some slave owners that would tell people that black people are just animals but then they would take advantage of their position as their "master" and owner to have sex with their slave women/girls. If they truly saw them as animals wouldn't the thought of having sex with them thoroughly disgusted them?
GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR
Monday, February 3, 2014
So sitting here after dinner, which I did not have to fix and that was nice, after a very long day I have to wonder what God is having me learn at my current job and at thus moment I am not real sure what it is I need to learn. Maybe more patience ??.??
I am such a slow learner though.
On Sunday I saw a lady that was going through a very tough time. I wish I was better at names God knows who she is. I just pray Gods peace and strength through this time for her and her family in what ever situation she is going through.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Technology
So i sit here bored with technology. I am writing this on my iPad at the moment but right before this I did not want to do anything available to me on my iPad. Not even read. Don't know if anyone else feels like this bit tho was my thought for the night.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Food
Oh my word. Feeding a 17 year old athlete is CRAZY.
He is ALWAYS hungry... I don't mean once in a while and for a small snack. I mean starving for a full meal the bigger the better.
He is going to bankrupt us and Matt and I make to much money to get help with food stamps. Not that food stamps would be a huge help but it would be a help. But that is ok. God has provided before and He will continue to provide.
He is really getting into DeMolay. He is loving it and he told us that he wanted to become a Mason in time. I guess that was the logical next step to DeMolay.
Matt and I went through D.A.D training (DeMolay Adviser Development). So now we can be official parent advisers for the Siloam Chapter. Going to be busy but worth it to be supportive of what Z is interested and excelling in.
I am going to have to figure out what my role as an adult in the Masonic Fraternity (and its subsidiaries i.e DeMolay).
As Parent Advisers we are there to just be adults, quiet when we need to be giving advice when we need to but the organization is youth led. We are not to take a leadership role but a support role when we are needed.
Lots of travel involved as well. It will give us time to be together. Maybe we can listen to books on CD, or learn something together on the car rides. But I guess we will see.
He is ALWAYS hungry... I don't mean once in a while and for a small snack. I mean starving for a full meal the bigger the better.
He is going to bankrupt us and Matt and I make to much money to get help with food stamps. Not that food stamps would be a huge help but it would be a help. But that is ok. God has provided before and He will continue to provide.
He is really getting into DeMolay. He is loving it and he told us that he wanted to become a Mason in time. I guess that was the logical next step to DeMolay.
Matt and I went through D.A.D training (DeMolay Adviser Development). So now we can be official parent advisers for the Siloam Chapter. Going to be busy but worth it to be supportive of what Z is interested and excelling in.
I am going to have to figure out what my role as an adult in the Masonic Fraternity (and its subsidiaries i.e DeMolay).
As Parent Advisers we are there to just be adults, quiet when we need to be giving advice when we need to but the organization is youth led. We are not to take a leadership role but a support role when we are needed.
Lots of travel involved as well. It will give us time to be together. Maybe we can listen to books on CD, or learn something together on the car rides. But I guess we will see.
Feelings
OH MY WORD. Emotions and feelings are brutal. Sometimes I think being a man and not having to go through all of the ups and downs of emotions and hormones on what seems to be a daily basis.
I think I have really pulled my self back to far from my co-workers.
I have been trying to hard to not be loud and I have alienated myself even further than I had before the incident with Melanie. She is probably a very nice person but she is very demonstrative and it seems like people will bend over backwards to be her friend just to keep her quiet.
just frustrating. so I guess tomorrow at work I slowly start getting back into the good graces of my coworkers.
I should not have to tiptoe around my office because of one person and a misunderstanding.
Just ridiculous....
I think I have really pulled my self back to far from my co-workers.
I have been trying to hard to not be loud and I have alienated myself even further than I had before the incident with Melanie. She is probably a very nice person but she is very demonstrative and it seems like people will bend over backwards to be her friend just to keep her quiet.
just frustrating. so I guess tomorrow at work I slowly start getting back into the good graces of my coworkers.
I should not have to tiptoe around my office because of one person and a misunderstanding.
Just ridiculous....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)