I was given the opportunity to join the women's retreat from Council Road at the Sullivant Center out in Norman.
I was not planning on going because of homework and I am kinda a homebody. I like to be with Matt.
Let me tell you it was with much anxiety and coaxing from Matt that I went.
I am so glad I did. Not only did I have a night that was eye opening but it was strangely relaxing being away from the house. (The guys had a night just to themselves).(They need that just as much as I do).
One thing that me being there afforded me was the realiziation that I hate Matt's disability. I deal with it because I love him and God brought us together, and that is my duty as his wife. But I had realized that ever since all this started (around April of 2005) I had not "dealt" with this disability, and I was mad at God.
As I was listening to the testimony of a very dear woman, I realized that she had felt the same way I had felt back then and even to this day. Alone, unloved, uncared for, This realization makes me cry as I type this because I know that is not true. It is a ploy of satan to get us to take our focus off of Him who matters most. I am truly saddened to say that this took me 4 1/2 years to figure out. Still not quite over it, but really who does get over the fact that her 39 year old husband is physically not the man she married almost 5 years ago. Does that mean I love him any less. No. I love him more today than the day I married him. I have never been more blessed than to be his wife. People might find that strange just becuase they see him having difficulty and they probably want to give us pity. Not the right reaction. God is letting us deal with this for a specific reason. Just not sure what that reason is right now. You never know it could be a ministry opportunity later on.
So needless to say the retreat was right where God wanted me. It was time for me to deal with my feelings regarding this. I have been a happier person since then. I know that God is in control and I don't feel that I am alone anymore, because I have openend my heart and mind and I am trying to embrace this season of life that I am in even though it is very hard. I know God can and will bring me through this life lesson with many things to share.