Small Groups

Small Groups are a JOKE!!!! just saying

Growth

So God is working on me and my selfishness . I got to walk around with my sister and shop for my nieces and nephews. She was blessed by a fifty Dollar gift card to the holiday store at Henderson Hills Baptist Church. Gina was able to get lots of stuff for her kids. She also has some friends that hither kids stuff and apparently went "overboard" on the gifts. This will just show the kids that they are loved. Gina is also being taken out to go shopping with that same friend. I am glad that Gina is being ministered to. Brings joy to my heart up know that people love her and are listening to God and blessing others that are connected to Gina.

shopping

So tonight I get to go shopping with my sister. She is a single mom who got blessed by a gift card from Henderson Hills Baptist Church. She is going to be able to purchase gifts for her four kiddos. She is very excited about this I am excited to go with her as well. It will be weird being with Gina without the four kids it will be much quieter tonight at least. I am going to have to BOOK IT to Henderson Hills Baptist Church, I am driving from Downtown OKC to Britton and May to drop Matt off at ZT's for the member event there and then I get to drive, but not speed, to I-35 to head north to this church. Just hope I wont be too late tonight.

Faith and growth.

Lately I have been feeling like my faith has not been strong and that I just can't not seem to grow in the Lord. It is very frustrating and very defeating.

My mind has been on eternity lately with the passing of my grandad and not knowing for sure if he was a believer. So I feel very bad for never asking either.

Trying to find my way is hard. Especially doing on my own.

Praying that I will be able to learn to grow in Christ, and to feel like I am worthy to grow in Christ, having other people believe that I can grow in Christ would be nice.

Those three people that never believed I could be on God's will keep coming to mind. I need to get that tape out and replace it with positive words of affirmation. Just not quite sure how to start doing that.

Maybe my grandmother has words of wisdom in her bible that she gave me.

Fathers day

So fathers day was un eventful. Matt wax at work ( yes work) more on that in a diff blog post. I told him happy fathers day before I left for church, fixed him dinner that night when he got home.

Got a text from him regarding Fathers day and the fact that neither child told him happy fathers day. My husband is (in my opinion) the best father he kids could have. He dis not deserve to be forgotten on this day. I wish I had had more money to get him something he really wanted. But alas I could not.

There are other issues regarding his family that added to this frustration.

I am just having to pray that the children will see how bad this hurts their daddy.

I Also have to try not to think about the fact that it seems the son admires the step father more than his biological father. I have to pray that Matt will cling to his heavenly father to fill any void that might be there from the son and the times that the don would rather be away from his dad.

Just kills me that Mart had to go through this. It is times like these that I want to have a child with Matt so he could feel the love of a child the way that his two do not express to him.

Ok enough of that. Just pray for Matt, and the kids and me.

Thank you

always thinking

So I am always thinking of ways to bring in extra income into our household without taking to much extra time from my family (Matt really since Z is starting to have his own life) I have tried selling Scentsy, that proved to be to stressfull for the non saleswoman that I am. I had a friend on facebook that had mentioned Lia Sophia as a business opportunity but then again that is a direct selling type of business. I don't want to get a part time job. I like doing crafts but I don't know how good I am at crafts to make money off of doing crafts. I love looking at others crafts but I am not super creative to think of thiings myself. I have found the website Etsy and I love looking around but not sure if I could be creative enough to make a substantial amount of money (to offset income) from things I like to do. I am hoping that God will reveal to me ways to supplement our income.

So I hope that between budgeting and thinking of ways to make etra money maybe life will get just a little less tight.

February 2011

So between me being sick and Matt being exhausted and not knowing why February has not been super. The first storm brought at least 10 inches of snow in one day so that kept people in side for two days. The second storm kept some people in for one day.

Matt got out and tood me to work Monday- Wednesday. I am starting to get some energy again so Matt and I were out on Saturday for a while then Sunday Morning and then now Matt is in bed exhausted and he is not sure why he is so tired. I am getting so tired of never knowing when Matt is going to feel good or if he is going to be in bed with a migraine or down for three days. Just not sure if people really realize what happens when a spouse is disabled or has a medical condition that affects their way of life.

I believe God spoke to me this morning basically that I need to be content with Matt's situation. That is so hard but I need to trust God in this. I need to really test my faith in this matter.

It just isn't fair I am tired of crying over stuff like this. I believe that this is what I am supposed to be learning. Be Still, wait on God to speak. He will speak it will just be in a still small voice.

Hard Day

So as I sit here on Sunday Jan 30 2011 I can't help but think how frustrating it is that my husband has been down with a migraine since Saturday Jan 29th at 1:00 PM. He was able to get up for a couple of hours and then back to bed he went. So for the past two days I have had all of a couple of hours with my husband and I have not been able to really spend time with him. So frustrating. I hate that it seems like the best part of Matt's day is when I have to be at work. I am just not sure what I think of that. No I do know what I think of that. I hate it. I am sorry to be so blunt but that is the only thing I can say about it. People who do not have to deal with either migraines or a spouse with disability truly do not have any idea what we are going through at this moment. The only thing I can do is pray that God gives him a release from this pain. Or heals him completely.

meltdown

So today I had a minor meltdown on the way home from work. I am stil very excited about my job. But today I was asked to do something that I was unsure of how to do. Normally this would not bother me but for some reason today it did and sent me into a crying fit. Thankfully I was not on the highway and I was talking to Matt so he calmed me down a bit. having to fight the little voice in my head telling me that this was just a test and that I failed. Matt told me I did not I am trying to believe it, but my brain is not letting my heart win. I know tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I will be more rested and not as tired as I was today. It is amazing how much your body needs sleep.

so in short BLAH BLAH BLAH. hard day. hopefully night goes better, praying the day tomorrow is better still.

Letting Go

So I know I had let the daughter go already but seeing her off to basic training today was harder than I thought it would be. I guess it is knowing that she wont be just minutes or even a little farther away, she will be in a different state (NC I think). I don't think her husband is dealing well with it at all. I will be continually praying for her as I know others will be as well. Just really hard to really let your child go. I just pray that in our letters to her I can be encouraging and uplifting. Giving her scripture to hold to. I just pray that I can be consistent to give her any wise words from God. Not me..... So hard to see her go. Will be even more sweet when she comes home.

Questions

So after reading things on facebook from women I know, in Sunday School, and seeing that they are getting to gether for a book club, or small group, or anything and no one even mentions me. I am never thought of. I think that if I never went back to that Sunday School class neither Matt or I would ever be missed. I hate to be a downer and sound as woe is me, no body likes me everybody hates me kind of attitude. I feel like I have tried to connect with some of the other women but maybe I have not done enough. I don't understand why I have such a hard time connecting with new people. Makes me feel like I am not supposed to be where I am. So many doors being closed and no new ones being opened. Would like to have an audible voice sometime to lead me in the way I am supposed to go.

Work Week

So this week at work has been productive, surprisingly. It was the first full week after two weeks of partial work weeks. Got all of my accounts touched, called on, payments applied, emails sent etc. It felt good to get all of my accounts worked. Some I am still waiting for payments on and when those get to me my accounts will look super.

so enough about boring work. The other day I was having a hard time. I had texted Matt with something horribly depressing and texted a friend and asked her to pray. Then I received a tweet from Air 1, it was 1 Thess 5:17 Which states "pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstancs; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you"

Needless to say God sent me that just when I needed it and I could not have been more grateful.

(told ya I would be more positive in my next post :-) )

Missing people

Sitting here looking at facebook and realizing how much I miss people in my life. Those people that I miss I can not even talk to. I miss my grandma, she would not come back for anything. She is with Jesus and I would not ask her to come back. I am just sorry that I did not ask her questions when she was alive. Breaks my heart everyday.

I miss my step daughter. I can't tell her cause she would not believe me anyway. She had said on facebook once that I was the worst thing that happened to the family in the last six years. She will not talk to her dad or I. We don't know anything that is going on with her life. She wanted us to leave her alone and let her make her own decisions, sowe did and she hates us I just don't understand it.

I am trying to believe all the times that she said that she loved me she really meant it.

I love both of my kids (stepkids). Whether they believe it or not. Everything I have done since Matt and I got married was try to do the best for Matt and A and Z. Sometimes I can not do anything right where the kids are concerned.

Just need some peace regarding A and knowing that the decision that was made to let her live her own life and the fact that she has totally left us in her past and it does not even seem to bother her.

Oh well. She is in God's hands. The best place for her to be is in God's hands. I pray for her constantly. I pray that God will keep her safe and draw her to him. I also pray fo her husband that he would find Jesus as well and be the leader that Jesus can turn him into where his kids and his wife is concerned.

All of my posts seem to be depressing Not sure why. I will try to be more positive in the next post that I do.

In Christ.