Food

Oh my word. Feeding a 17 year old athlete is CRAZY.

He is ALWAYS hungry... I don't mean once in a while and for a small snack. I mean starving for a full meal the bigger the better.

He is going to bankrupt us and Matt and I make to much money to get help with food stamps.   Not that food stamps would be a huge help but it would be a help. But that is ok. God has provided before and He will continue to provide.

He is really getting into DeMolay. He is loving it and he told us that he wanted to become a Mason in time. I guess that was the logical next step to DeMolay.

Matt and I went through D.A.D training (DeMolay Adviser Development). So now we can be official parent advisers for the Siloam Chapter. Going to be busy but worth it to be supportive of what Z is interested and excelling in.

I am going to have to figure out what my role as an adult in the Masonic Fraternity (and its subsidiaries i.e DeMolay).

As Parent Advisers we are there to just be adults, quiet when we need to be giving advice when we need to but the organization is youth led. We are not to take a leadership role but a support role when we are needed.

Lots of travel involved as well. It will give us time to be together. Maybe we can listen to books on CD, or learn something together on the car rides. But I guess we will see.

Feelings

OH MY WORD. Emotions and feelings are brutal. Sometimes I think being a man and not having to go through all of the ups and downs of emotions and hormones on what seems to be a daily basis.

I think I have really pulled my self  back to far from my co-workers.

I have been trying to hard to not be loud and I have alienated myself even further than I had before the incident with Melanie. She is probably a very nice person but she is very demonstrative and it seems like people will bend over backwards to be her friend just to keep her quiet.

just frustrating. so I guess tomorrow at work I slowly start getting back into the good graces of my coworkers.

I should not have to tiptoe around my office because of one person and a misunderstanding.

Just ridiculous....

December 2013 and January 2014

Not all of the month just the last two weeks of December and so far in January.

So Christmas time is always rough in our house. Both Husband and I thing Christmas has become so commercial that people (kids and adults) don't celebrate the real reason for this season. So really no presents in December to speak of. We like to buy each other stuff through out the year for just because presents rather than people who run marketing firms telling us we have to buy for each other.

So on December 23 2013 I was heading home at my normal time from work. We had been allowed to leave early but I wanted to get somethings done since we were off on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (paid) (thank you PLS and PFJ), so I am driving home and it is about 5:30 and I am heading West on Reno Ave, I had just passed the Meridian intersection. Then it happened. Traffic started to stop. I stopped, the car behind me had to veer onto the shoulder and the guy behind him, hit us both. The guy in the truck spun the little silver car that was behind me into the culvert, then he plowed into me. He had to have been going 40.

Our van was totaled. I took pictures of it. I am still jumpy when I drive afraid I will get hit again. Husband hates it that I am so jumpy.

So Thankfully my parents live 2 miles from us. Husband called my mom, they came to get me.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day my parents let us use their car while we wait for our rental, which we got on December 26 (and our insurance paid for it for 30 days).

So from the time that the van was hit to the time we got our new (to us) van was three weeks.

That is AMAZING in insurance world.

The van that we got is older than the van that was totaled but we love it. It is cheaper than the van that was totaled and we have GPS, you know for all the trips we take. LOL.

We have to give the rental back on or before Friday the 24 of January 2014. I will be glad to see it go honestly even though it is an SUV it is just not our van.

So when the insurance settled with us we got more money than the loan. Thank Jesus.

This gave us a little extra "play" money, some went into savings and some went into getting me a sewing machine. I am beyond excited about the sewing machine. The one that I got is computerized, can do monogramming and I am so excited to really put it to use. Husband and my mom and I went shopping and got the sewing machine, patterns, fabric (and all the other extra stuff you need to sew). I have already sewed a bag and am in the process of sewing a skirt (the first of many).

So even though getting hit the day before Christmas Eve was a bummer, God made it a blessing in the form of a cheaper van (cheaper payment and interest rate), a new sewing machine, some in savings, and some other little extras that we were finally able to purchase.

All in All not such a bad start to the year,

Now if I could get me straight that would be FANTASTIC.

Invisible

So lately (mostly at work) I have been feeling very invisible.

I don't expect to have a BFF at work but I would like some common courtesy. You know the occasional hi, the random conversation, maybe the invite out to lunch with the group, a smile back when I smile at you ... Common Courtesy.

But apparently that is asking to much.

This past week or two at work I have felt like everything I have done is wrong. I have felt that the people I work with (boss included) only wanted to talk to me when they needed something fixed, researched or I needed to help them with something. Any other time it is Tammy.... Tammy who.... I don't know a Tammy.

So I posted this "it is like I am invisible" on facebook one day when EVERYONE in the office went out to lunch and NO ONE invited me. Again, not looking for a BFF, just a little courtesy.

So now at work I go in. I put my headphones in, listen to music and do my work. I don't talk to anyone, cause they don't talk to me I do my work, take my lunch, interact with those who actually interact with me first, leave for the day and come home to my husband and son who love me.

I keep hoping that God will just neon sign his will for me and it will be super clear. None of this guessing stuff, or the feeling of "am I doing this because I had a bad day or is this a door that God has opened" feeling.

It may just be me but I guess I will know one day. Today is just not that day.

Church

So lately I have been very defeated about church. Now I know we are not supposed to go to church to make friends, but to learn about god and worship in a group setting.

So for December 2013 Matt and I were not able to go to church for one reason or another. We had started a new Sunday school class a couple months before so we we're fairly new.  The entire month of December no one .  I mean no one from the class called or sent an email ( yes the class had both our numbers and email addresses) we were able to go back to church this Sunday and it was ok I guess.

On Christmas Eve whew met to our Christmas Eve service. The day before (the 23rd) I was in an accident that totaled our van. Our only working car. Needless to say Christmas sucked. Thankfully we were able to use my parents car for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We got a rental car on Thursday morning. So back to Christmas Eve. Matt and I got to church just in time for the service to start   I was a little stiff from the wreck so Matt was trying to not have me walk all around the sanctuary looking for a seat. We walked past so many people that we knew that just looked at us. No one offered to let us sit with them. No one scooted over to offer us a seat. Looking back kinda how Mary and Joseph were treated he night Jesus was born. That night both Matt and I felt that we were totally not welcome at our home church.

So that Led me to another realization should you continue going to a church where you don't feel welcome just so you don't forsake the gathering. I don't know. We haven't stopped going to church there not yet at least. We are waiting for God to tell us or lead us where we need to go.