Wednesday, June 17, 2009

the daughter

So the pregnancy scare has not dettered her from having sex. He mother wants to put her on the depo shot so she wont have to remember to take the pill. I want her to just show some self control and not have sex.

She has decided to move back in with us and I am not sure how I feel about that. She is 18 we can't ground her , or babysit her so how do we make sure that she does not do any more stupid stuff. Not sure. The only thing I can think of is to pray that God protects her and keeps her safe.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Venting

Have to vent for a minute about parents. And not just any parents. Parents that carry the child for 9 months (typically), have them in the same house as them and want to be their friend while they are growing up and then complaining how they turned out because they did not do what they needed to and that was being a parent.

Parents also do not tell their children that it is ok to have sex with just anyone just as long as you use protection. Yes folks you heard me right. That is some of the great advice that Angelea is getting from her "mom". Angelea is grounded right now, who grounds an 18 year old, for having unprotected sex. Her punishment she can not go anywhere, even over here if she so chooses, which she doesn't unless she needs something, and she has to watch her little 2 year old sister as punishment to make her learn the lesson of having a child.

sure hasn't helped the people that made the 2 year old learn.

The "mom" has changed her sercurity settings so that I can not see her profile anymore. Which means she is probably going to say horrible things about Matt and I. I had thought about posting a comment to my facebook page, hoping she would read it but that would not make me any better than her and what she has been doing and probably is doing.

I just hope that the "parents" grow up a little bit, stop trying to force Angelea to get on the depo shot, and making it seem like Angelea does not have the self control to not have sex.

It is funny that now this woman wants to be her parent. It is too late now. she should have started 18 years ago. Now she is set in her ways and will do what ever she wants because she can.

So frustrated.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

personal life

I hate to put this down especially in writing but I am having a hard time reading the Bible and praying. I am not sure exactly what the problem that I am having is but I am. I should say I am not doing it consistently.

The shocking news that we got on Sunday night made me realize that I don't do enough on my knees praying for my kids.

AG called on Sunday and told us in a voice mail that she had made a wrong decision and decided to have sex with a "man" and she thought that she was pregnant.

Husband took her to our family doctor to have tests run and Praise Jesus she was not. I feel like there was something more that I could have done. But I know from the time Husband and I got married I stressed to her saving herself until marriage. Apparently the urge was too strong for her.

Praying that she can control herself now until she gets married. That way she only has to tell her husband of one mistake not many.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Life

Yesterday started the first week of the second of my last 5 classes and then I am graudated. NO MORE SCHOOL.

I am beyond excited. I can not wait for the day when I plan my evening around how much reading or if a paper is due.

I won't know what to do with myself. I know it will fly by.

I am learning a lot about my self lately, I truly believe it is a good thing.
Husband is having a sleep study done. Dr's think he might have sleep apnea. So I get to sleep alone tonight.


Not liking that idea..

He will be back after I am already at work tomorrow. This is a huge bummer. This will be only the third time that we have not slept in the same room/bed since we were married 4 1/2 years ago (almost 5).

Must do homework now. For the little time that I am up.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Last Couple of months

the last couple of months have been difficult for me.

AG turned 18, moved out, graduated from highschool, quit talking to us...Ex wife saying hurtful things on the internet about us (husband) trying to guide AG in this time of life. Ex wife says it was controlling... I have my own thoughts...gave those to God....He is the only one that needed to hear them....

Been praying a hedge of protection around AG this week..... On Sunday she had a post on facebook that stated that she wished that the advice and help she was getting was true. .....Scared me abit.....said a prayer and asked God to guide her in the right direction, and to be able to see false leading and guidance....hard for an 18 year old who does not truly know who she is yet....and especially being around people who seem to focus on themselves only....not what she needs to be learning especially now....

She has got some big decisions ahead of her....


We only have one child left in the house right now....and from the comment the ex wife made on Friday she thinks him being here is not good for him....that makes me sad because everything the husband does is for his kids....I believe she knows that...not sure why the hurtful thing was said for the whole world to see.....talk about defamation of husbands character.....also a reflection on me .....she does not even know me...... Have to try not to let the flesh win on this one.....God knows the end and we will be vindicated it may not be here but someday she will have to account for every word that comes out of her mouth and every thought.....That is why I had to repent when I read that post.....


Been praying for that household..... been praying that someone will come along that they will listen to (that is not family) and that they will come to Jesus.... the only thing to do is pray....


New job is going wonderful... LOVE IT....


Need to remember to focus on the one living in this house and making his time here safe, God fearing, and memorable.... Not necessarily in that order.....I think he is stronger than AG, but I will start now with the hedge of protection around him.... he may get hit harder than AG, or at least in a different way...


Love my Husband..... God has blessed me with him.... Could not imagine where I would be right now if we had not listened to God and joined our lives together almost 5 years ago..... How fast those years have gone.....Looking forward to many more....

Friday, March 27, 2009

Friday March 27, 2009

So My mom called me on Wednesday afternoon to tell me that my Great Uncle Jim had passed away because of a stroke. My Great Aunt Louise and Uncle Jim had been married for like 62 years. That is a long time and almost unheard of in this day and age. I am so in awe of them.

My Uncle Jim was like 82 or 83, he had lived a full life. We will miss his smile and his quirky sense of humor.

My parents as of today have been married for 39 years. Again unheard of this day and age. They have had their hard times but have worked through and held on.

I am very thankful for my husband and my relationship with him. I am very honored that God brought him to me.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Sunday March 22 2009

This is the first full week without my cousin Shawn here on earth.

This past week has been full of emotions. I have cried way more than I ever would have wanted to.

I have looked inward way more than I wanted to. But God has also spoken to me. And He did it through my cousins funeral.

My cousin Shawn passed away on Saturday March 14 2009 from cancer. He fought a couragous battle. His wife and kids went through trials way bigger than we can think of.

Going to my cousins funeral was eye opening to how much I did not know about him or his family. That made me really sad. I learned more about Shawn in an hour and a half than the 32 years I had previously.

Something his brother and one of the partners at the law firm that he worked at said openend my eyes. Live your priorities.

So often we don't do that. We stay at work one more hour (which Shawn did not do, family came first), or we pass an opportunity to spend time with the kids (Shawn did not do that either, Him and his Daughter went to a daddy/daughter dance just a couple of months back, Shawn new that he was not going to make it much longer at that dance. Brad (the co-worker) said that Shawn and Madelyn danced all night and Shawn told Brad that the dance was his chance to dance with his daughter since he would miss the prom and her wedding.

So hard to hear but definitley needed. I know it opened my eyes, especially since we have been dealing with a 17 year old that has made life just more than a little frustrating. But after that I have to learn to let that go and love her beside the attitude she may give me or her daddy. I have to remember that God has her and I need to let go.

Going to funerals is never easy, but going to a funeral of a 38 year old man with a young family seems to be harder than going to a funeral for an older person (say in their 90's).

But God was not surprised by this. He knew exactly when Shawn would come home. He knew exactly when Lori (wife) would be "ready" to be with out him, at least until Heaven, He knew exactly when Madelyn and Blake would be able to understand and remember times with Him.

God is good even when we don't want to give people up God holds us up especially when we don't think we can hold ourselves up.

When God is all we have we realize that God is all we need.

As hard as it will be for Lori, Madelyn, Blake, My unlcle and aunt, and my other cousin (Dewey (this is a nickname, from Shawn,) his wife and three kids God will be there to comfort them in times of need, like Easter coming up. Or Madelyn's birthday the day after they buried her daddy. Christmas at Grandma's house (which was the last time I saw him, gave him lots of hugs glad I went this year) wedding anniversaries.

One thing that we can take from this is cherish every moment. Nothing is worth missing out on any thing because of pride or selfishness or just plain ignorance.

Live every moment to the full.

I know that I am going to try to be a better person, more calm, even tempered, leaning on God way more than I have been.

Saturday March 21, 2009 I read a CaringBridge update by Lori, a week after Shawn had passed, It made me cry, but also allowed me to see how I should react to situations that come my way that God orchestrated.

Blake got up on Friday and asked Lori how Daddy was. This caught Lori off guard, but she answered him and told him that Daddy was in Heaven with Jesus and He is fine now. No longer hurting or sick. Blake threw his arms up in the air and shouted "HOORAY!!!" "HOORAY!!!".

If we could just have that reaction everytime that God does something in our life whether good our bad.

Lessons are learned everywhere you look.

Shawn I will miss you. I love you, I am just sorry I never got the chance to tell you this side of the Jordan. I am proud to call you cousin. Can't wait to see you again.