Lent Season

So last night at the Ash Wednesday Service, no I am not Catholic or any other predominant religion that usually observes the Lent Season, but that does not stop our church. Our pastor has instituted a "taking back" of the season from the world, to take the focus from Easter bunny, chocolate and eggs to the real focus, Jesus' sacrifice to make each and everyone of us a child of his to spend an eternity with Him.

All that to say....the Ash Wednesday service last night was powerfull. I made it all the way through the service with out crying until.... we started singing "It Is Well"... with Matt's current setback with his disability, and the fact that we owe the state and IRS this year for taxes. To be totally honest these two things alone are not "well with my soul", I realized this last night as the first words of that song were sung. I cried, I wanted to keep crying, I still want to cry. Last night several people came up to us because Matt was using his walker instead of walking under his own power, (very hard for me to see). It took all of my power not to cry all the way home (the three min from the church LOL and that is only because there is a park zone between the church and home.) but I digress.

I have had a LOT of cynicism about church lately. People walked by asked how I was, I don't truly beleive they really care to know exactly how I am. So I tell them Fine with tears in my eyes barely making eye contact. No one presses or asks me "really, are you sure".

This is a long time coming, Matt and I haven't been to the Sunday School class that we have gone to for about a year for a month and a half, no one, not one person has called, texted, facebooked or dropped by to see if there is anything wrong. Now granted I don't claim to be the best at checking up on people, but I also don't lead a Sunday School group or small group either.

There are friends that I keep up with, but for the most part I don't want to feel pushy or needy. I don't want to feel like I am imposing my self or "friendship" on people. Out of all of my life I can count maybe 3 people that I feel comfortable with. That is really sad out of 35 years. I look around and see all these people with so many others seeming like they truly care about others around them and I don't feel that. I don't think I have ever felt that.

I believe what Jesus was asking me to "give up" this Lent Season was animosity and cynicism reagarding the church and His people. I need to realize that people are people, not perfect. The only perfect one and the only one that I can always rely on is Jesus.

He will never leave me not even to the end of the age as Matt 28:20 states.

The Blind Side

I am reading The Blind Side by Michael Lewis. This is the book that the movie is made out of.

OH MY WORD!!!!!

If we as Christians did half of the stuff that the Tuohy's did for Michael Oher there would be no need in this world. No hungry, cold or uneducated children.

Don't get me wrong I know that the majority of Christians do not have the money that the Tuohy's had/have, but we can serve with what God gives us no matter how small we may think it is.

We all have talents that we should be using for God. Trust me I am the biggest offender here.

Not even half way through this book and I am super convicted because of their kindness to a kid that had nothing.

Wednesday 1/25/12

So my last post was about money and the opportunity that Z has been offered. Well we got another offer in Matt's email regarding Duke tip. This is an organization that Z has already had dealings with. This may be the opportunity God has for Z instead of the youth medicine forum.

I was also thinking we know physicians, maybe we should ask them if Z can shadow them?


So we all went to get our eyes checked yesterday (Tuesday 1/24/12), I can not imagine how much money my parents put out having three kids in glasses. Putting out almost $500 (with insurance people) for all three of us to get exams done and new glasses seems just super high. Thank God we had insurance or it would not have happened.

Going to the Wednesday night class that Pastor Rick is putting on, hopefully I am on time for it.

With me being out yesterday I probably should not have clocked out for lunch but I needed a break from work.

Money

Money....Blah.....

Z has an incredible opporutnity to go to a youth leadership forum on medicine to let him see if the medical field is truly the field he would like to go into. Tried to register him for the week long forum in Houston the second week of July. Had to stop because we need to have $450.00 for a non refundable deposit in order to fulfill the registration.

Trying hard not to worry about the money. We really can't afford to lose $450 dollars to this if Z does not get to go. On the other hand I don't want to push this and by pass a potential closed door to this opportunity and maybe an even better opportunity that God has for Him. Unfortunately with the fact that I am not exactly aware of when God is speaking to me (working on it) I don't know if it is truly God or just me using that as an excuse to not spend the $450.00. I don't want to limit Z's opportunites but I also don't want to ignore God's leading and do what we want to or what Z wants to.

My prayer is that Matt and I will be very aware of God's leading no matter how subtle in regards to this and that we do the right thing for and by Z.

Started the Pastor's new class on Wednesday night. I have a feeling that I am going to learn a lot. Bro Rick even gave us homework. Kindof excited for this homework. want to get a single subject note book to keep notes in, especially if homework is going to be an every week thing. It would be nice to keep all the things I learn in one place. You never know maybe I would be able to pass it down to children or grandchildren someday.


Still trying to get throught Jen Hatmakers book. So far pretty good. Cant wait to get to the questions in the back of the book. Have to get my self in gear and truly start studying God's word. Maybe if I spend time in God's word I would be able to hear Him more clearly especially his still small voice, which is usually how he communicates with us.

Time will only tell.

I have decided to start going to the gym on Sat and Sun while Matt is at work. Hopefully we can start going to the gym during the week as well. I need to start moving again. Since we pay for it might as well utilize the facility.

Tuesday that feels like Monday

So I was sick on Saturday Jan 14, I was also sick on Jan 7. I hope that this isnt a pattern.
Matt and I went to Big Church on Sunday. Came home, I took Z's to his mom's house, came home. Hung out at home waiting for Matt to get home from work. Took off work Monday, just to take an extra day to feel better. It worked. After noon Matt and I got out and went to Northpark Mall to get an item for him. Low and behold the place was closed so we went home. hung out for a bit, ate "lunch" and then went for a walk to my Mom's house. She lives 2.2 miles away from us. It was so pretty yesterday. So Matt and I took a leisurly walk to and from my Mom's house. My feet hurt so bad last night. My ankles hurt this morning. So far today I am ok. No weird pain in my feet or legs. I must be getting used to exercise. This is a good thing. I need to start going back to the gym, I figured I could go on Saturday and Sunday while Matt is at work. I may even take a class, not real sure just yet. But even getting off my hiney and walking for at least an hour will help me out tremendously.

I was talking to my Mom last night at her house and told her that I had been sick the past two Saturday's and she told me that I might be starting to have gallbladder issues. I don't want to have gallbladder issues. My mom had her gall bladder out at about my age. My aunt was even younger. GREAT!!!

Can I tell you that I don't handle pain well at all. If I have to have my gall bladder out I will probably drive Matt bonkers with my whining.

Hoping that this little pattern of being sick is over. Especially since there was no fever or anything. No reason for being sick.

Going to a swim meet tonight for Z and J, it starts at 4 so Matt and I will probably miss Z's first event. Hopefully that is all we will miss.

Today at work has been rough. It seems that everything I do is wrong or just not exactly how she (my boss) would like it. Not sure why I let this get to me.

Sometimes I wish that I played the Lottery so I could win Millions and work temp jobs with no pressure, travel, be there for my kids and husband, but since I am to cheap to play the lottery guess it is working for me.

Bible study

Broke down and bought Jen Hatmakers book modern girls guide to bible study. Only on chapter three but hitting home.

New year

Second day of the new year and I really don't feel any different, maybe a little tired because I am apparently getting to old to stay up past my bedtime which as of late had been like 9 pm. I know sad huh. I have enjoyed spending time with my husband. We have had a couple of days where it is just us and it has been fun. Gotta get back on track with the plan we were using after we finished the financial peace university, paying all four walls, using cash only. Learning to be content staying home and cooking. I really don't like cooking but I like cooking more than feeling the way o have been feeling this past week. My stomach has been upset because of all the pre processed foods that I have been eating . It is amazing how soy can hurt you if you are allergic to it as I am.

No new years resolutions per se. I always break them anyway. Gonna go for little steps instead. Oh I do want to read more. Looking forward to that.

More later, not that anyone reads these. More just for me at this point.